It's amazing how adversity changes you. I've been carrying around so much anger for so many years and suddenly, it is lifted. A long time friend and I had a falling out a few years after high school. Unfortunately, the friendship did not end amicably (not even remotely close) and though we were both at fault, I carried around that anger and baggage for several years.
Then, amazingly enough, a few months ago, I decide that it's time to put childish things aside and friend him on Facebook. He accepts me, and for a few weeks I begin to wonder if this really was a good idea. Though it's online only, I just don't know if I can handle him being in my life again, in any form.
A week ago, his wife began to get very ill and very quickly. Within hours she went from complaining of a headache to having a spiking fever, confusion, disorientation, loss of motor function and control, seizures, and so many other scary things, it's difficult to comprehend and accept the situation. Upon him taking her to the emergency room and facing a battery of tests, the doctors ultimately diagnose her with bacterial meningitis. Worse, they have three children under the age of 5, all of whom could have been exposed to this monstrous illness.
I feel for them. I feel for his wife, remembering when I almost died of internal bleeding a year and a half ago due to a tubal pregnancy. I feel for him, recalling my husband's insane attempts and accomplishments of putting on a brave face for me and losing it completely when I was in surgery. And suddenly, anger from something that two kids did to each other way back when, seemed very stupid and menial.
I wanted to do something for them. Especially for his wife, being in the hospital, battling such a terrifying disease and kept isolated from her children and a lot of family, for their protection. I can't imagine having to deal with that, and at Christmas.
My original idea was to get her a little tree but I wasn't sure if I should (if I'd even be welcome to). But something in me acted, I got information from his mother as to where I could send something, and I went online and sent her a small bouquet (with a little penguin vase; they didn't have many Christmas trees- boo...). It's not much and it was probably more than I could afford, but I couldn't stand idly by.
All I kept thinking was how I would feel in that situation, and how I did feel in my own situation. And once I sent it, my anger was gone. Completely. That darkness hovering around me for so many years is gone. I can feel it. A huge weight is gone from me and I can suddenly remember all the fun and great times we had as friends, not the wretched end.
I am comforted. I am uplifted. And now I am ready to be whole again. This was something that I never thought I could let go of. I never believed it possible. This was baggage that I could never put down. It's great to be wrong.
This Christmas, is one of the most special. My daughter is 8 months old, I have renewed faith and I've been able to give something up I never thought possible. My husband is my rock, my comfort, my haven. And I have the motivation, the desire, and the drive to move forward with my books, with my writing, with my schooling, with everything that I want to do in life.
It is a good day to be alive, and it is an even greater day to forgive and forget. Some may believe it to be an old concept. I'm learning that it is a necessary one.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
A Little Less Than 1001 Days To Go
I was hoping for this next entry to be a video blog entry, but it seems that it is hard to find the time to do that. Well, to be honest, there's always time to video blog because I intend it to be casual. More accurately, it's difficult to find the time to make myself presentable enough so that I can video blog. Yes, that is correct. Let's face it though, I have a four month old (as of tomorrow) and she doesn't leave me much time in front of the mirror. And I'm scary beyond all reason. I look like a new mom: scary hair, bags under her eyes, pale complexion, hairy legs (so you can't see my legs, I know and that's enough). Horrifying beyond all reason, isn't it?
I guess the reason for this post is to establish that I have started to chink away at my list. So now the question is, when is my deadline? I had to do the math (*gasp*) to figure it out, but calculating that my start date was the day I posted my list, which was August 1, 2011, that comes to the finish line being on April 27, 2014, shortly after my daughter's third birthday. I can hardly believe how much will change in that time! I get excited just thinking about it. And yes, it doesn't take much to excite me these days. Let's face it, I'm a new Mommy with an awesome daughter.
So with my due date approaching ever-steadily, what am I doing to accomplish this feat? Well, first off, I am working on my Lewis Family Recipe Book (#10). I only have a few pages printed out but I'm going to fill it with recipes we'd like to try (which I've been collecting for the past several weeks) and add the ones we love permanently in order to fill the book up.
We're also working on moving into an apartment (#6). Currently, we live with my in-laws. Though I love them dearly, it's a situation that we are exceedingly excited to see end. We would stay and work further on getting our finances spot free, but it is time. Emotionally and mentally, it is that time.
We've already found an apartment we love and once we have the specifics in order, we will be moving towards the end of September, perhaps even the beginning of October. And since I'm starting school in September (in association with #4 & #5), I'm already packing boxes. Trust me, packing with an infant is not easy, so I'm very appreciative of the time I have to do it in. I may almost make it without having to scramble at the last second before we're ready to move. Haha!
Oh, and after I finish this entry, I'm going to slightly alter the list. I have book ideas written down on there and I'm ***-ing them just for my own peace of mind. So if you are meandering through the list, notice them, and wonder about them, know that those are pertaining to my story ideas and that's for discretion. If you'd like to comment and question about them, you are welcome to. I may not answer, but you are welcome to.
I am also currently reading the Book of Mormon (#37). I'm also trying to get back on the horse as far as church is concerned. I've been going on and off for several weeks, so to attempt a start at 6 months straight, that would be #100. I'll have to keep tabs on that goal for awhile. Hopefully I won't have to restart too many times.
With five goals specifically being worked on currently, and possibly a sixth, I'd say I'm not off to a bad start. I'm actually grateful that I came up with this idea. Blogging all of this, whether by blog or vlog, keeps my goals straight and fresh. Again, it's more for me than for all of you. If there are any of you. LOL. Hopefully there will be someday.
Signing off for now! I'm going to go watch my little one sleep. She's in her porta-crib for the for the second night in a row and she's sleeping like a champ right now! FYI, she used to only sleep in her car seat so this is a major step in the right direction. For future reference, don't let your little one do that. It only makes it more difficult down the line to have to retrain them to sleep. Trust me!
Official Days To Go: 994
I guess the reason for this post is to establish that I have started to chink away at my list. So now the question is, when is my deadline? I had to do the math (*gasp*) to figure it out, but calculating that my start date was the day I posted my list, which was August 1, 2011, that comes to the finish line being on April 27, 2014, shortly after my daughter's third birthday. I can hardly believe how much will change in that time! I get excited just thinking about it. And yes, it doesn't take much to excite me these days. Let's face it, I'm a new Mommy with an awesome daughter.
So with my due date approaching ever-steadily, what am I doing to accomplish this feat? Well, first off, I am working on my Lewis Family Recipe Book (#10). I only have a few pages printed out but I'm going to fill it with recipes we'd like to try (which I've been collecting for the past several weeks) and add the ones we love permanently in order to fill the book up.
We're also working on moving into an apartment (#6). Currently, we live with my in-laws. Though I love them dearly, it's a situation that we are exceedingly excited to see end. We would stay and work further on getting our finances spot free, but it is time. Emotionally and mentally, it is that time.
We've already found an apartment we love and once we have the specifics in order, we will be moving towards the end of September, perhaps even the beginning of October. And since I'm starting school in September (in association with #4 & #5), I'm already packing boxes. Trust me, packing with an infant is not easy, so I'm very appreciative of the time I have to do it in. I may almost make it without having to scramble at the last second before we're ready to move. Haha!
Oh, and after I finish this entry, I'm going to slightly alter the list. I have book ideas written down on there and I'm ***-ing them just for my own peace of mind. So if you are meandering through the list, notice them, and wonder about them, know that those are pertaining to my story ideas and that's for discretion. If you'd like to comment and question about them, you are welcome to. I may not answer, but you are welcome to.
I am also currently reading the Book of Mormon (#37). I'm also trying to get back on the horse as far as church is concerned. I've been going on and off for several weeks, so to attempt a start at 6 months straight, that would be #100. I'll have to keep tabs on that goal for awhile. Hopefully I won't have to restart too many times.
With five goals specifically being worked on currently, and possibly a sixth, I'd say I'm not off to a bad start. I'm actually grateful that I came up with this idea. Blogging all of this, whether by blog or vlog, keeps my goals straight and fresh. Again, it's more for me than for all of you. If there are any of you. LOL. Hopefully there will be someday.
Signing off for now! I'm going to go watch my little one sleep. She's in her porta-crib for the for the second night in a row and she's sleeping like a champ right now! FYI, she used to only sleep in her car seat so this is a major step in the right direction. For future reference, don't let your little one do that. It only makes it more difficult down the line to have to retrain them to sleep. Trust me!
Official Days To Go: 994
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Introduction
If you go to the previous entry, you will find my list for this experiment. I figured that it would be best to post my list up front so that any and all will be able to see my list and therefore comment, question, or otherwise get an idea of exactly what these next 1001 days will hold for me. It is also the best and easiest way to get to know me. So, dive right in, and please feel free to ask questions.
My list ranges from difficult to easy. Well, because I'm a mom and going to school full time and hoping to work soon as well, I needed some challenges and some not-so-challenging items on my list. Some are as simple as buying a blu-ray or going to the zoo. But these are things that I truly want to accomplish and look forward to doing in my life. These items are where I truly want to be in 1001 days, as a person, and I can't wait to get started.
A few up front questions may be posed about reading the Book of Mormon, reading the Pearl of Great Price (what is that?!), taking the sacrament, going through the temple (huh?), as well as reading the book of Isaiah. Well, simple enough answer, really: I am a Mormon, or more accurately and appropriately, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. No, we are not cultists; no, we are not polygamists; no, we do not have horns; and yes, we are Christians.
But anyhow, to answer your possible questions regarding these items on my list, I have been a Mormon all my life, but have not attended church or been very religious at all for the past nine years or so. Now that I am making it a priority in my life once again, these items have to do with that part of my life.
The Pearl of Great Price is another scripture that Mormons read and study besides the Bible and The Book of Mormon. The book of Isaiah was one of my favorite books in the Old Testament and I am looking forward to reading that once again. The sacrament is like what Catholics call Communion. I know many Christian religions have a communion or sacrament so this may not be an unfamiliar concept. And finally, going through the temple is a sacred ceremony that worthy LDS members can do when of age and when they choose. Compare it to a marriage ceremony because that's the best way that I can describe it to you. Now if I'm wrong, please, someone who has gone through the temple, correct me.
For now, I'm going to get back to being Mommy and cleaning this place up a little. It won't get done once Madeline wakes up. So I better do it now. Aideu for now.
My list ranges from difficult to easy. Well, because I'm a mom and going to school full time and hoping to work soon as well, I needed some challenges and some not-so-challenging items on my list. Some are as simple as buying a blu-ray or going to the zoo. But these are things that I truly want to accomplish and look forward to doing in my life. These items are where I truly want to be in 1001 days, as a person, and I can't wait to get started.
A few up front questions may be posed about reading the Book of Mormon, reading the Pearl of Great Price (what is that?!), taking the sacrament, going through the temple (huh?), as well as reading the book of Isaiah. Well, simple enough answer, really: I am a Mormon, or more accurately and appropriately, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. No, we are not cultists; no, we are not polygamists; no, we do not have horns; and yes, we are Christians.
But anyhow, to answer your possible questions regarding these items on my list, I have been a Mormon all my life, but have not attended church or been very religious at all for the past nine years or so. Now that I am making it a priority in my life once again, these items have to do with that part of my life.
The Pearl of Great Price is another scripture that Mormons read and study besides the Bible and The Book of Mormon. The book of Isaiah was one of my favorite books in the Old Testament and I am looking forward to reading that once again. The sacrament is like what Catholics call Communion. I know many Christian religions have a communion or sacrament so this may not be an unfamiliar concept. And finally, going through the temple is a sacred ceremony that worthy LDS members can do when of age and when they choose. Compare it to a marriage ceremony because that's the best way that I can describe it to you. Now if I'm wrong, please, someone who has gone through the temple, correct me.
For now, I'm going to get back to being Mommy and cleaning this place up a little. It won't get done once Madeline wakes up. So I better do it now. Aideu for now.
My 101 Things in 1001 Days
1.
Have a second baby.
2.
Finish E*****.
3.
Get some writing published.
4.
Go back to school.
5.
Finish my Associates Degree.
6.
Move into an apartment.
7.
Participate in NaNoWriMo.
8.
Complete an official 5K.
9.
Complete an official 10K.
10.
Make a Lewis Family Recipe book.
11.
Cook a family meal every day for one month.
12.
Buy annual Halloween, Easter, and other holiday
decorations.
13.
Host a Thanksgiving dinner.
14.
Have a New Year’s Slumber Party.
15.
Buy/ create an advent calendar.
16.
Take the sacrament.
17.
Write everyday for 3 months straight.
18.
Keep a journal (regularly) for 6 months
(regularly=at least 2x’s a week).
19.
Sign up for a writer’s conference.
20.
Take a spinning class.
21.
Go to Frankenmuth, MI.
22.
Make Mom’s pumpkin pie.
23.
Make Aunt Barbara’s Chex Mix.
24.
Get to my goal weight (135 lbs).
25.
Take Madeline to the zoo.
26.
Take Madeline to Little Bay de Noc.
27.
Surprise Nolan with a weekend away.
28.
Build a blanket fort with Madeline.
29.
Take Madeline swimming.
30.
Buy a musical clock (Seiko).
31.
Institute our own family traditions for holidays
(Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s).
32.
Go pumpkin picking.
33.
See the Nutcracker.
34.
Read Stephen King’s book on writing.
35.
Read Solitude.
36.
Reread the Harry Potter Series.
37.
Read The Book of Mormon.
38.
Read The Pearl of Great Price.
39.
Read “Slaughterhouse-Five” by Kurt Vonnegut.
40.
Attend an author’s book reading and signing.
41.
Write a children’s book.
42.
Petition a Family caricature from Jason.
43.
Finish wedding album.
44.
Take Madeline to Dallas Lake.
45.
Walk through a corn maze.
46.
Bake something from scratch.
47.
See the Hobbit movies.
48.
Own all Harry Potter movies on Blu-Ray.
49.
Own Friends on Blu-Ray.
50.
Own LOTR on Blu-ray.
51.
Read The Little Prince to Madeline.
52.
Assemble a collage frame of family photos and
display on the wall.
53.
Go to Cranbrooke.
54.
Visit family in St. Louis.
55.
Eat at La Bonne Bouchee with Nolan.
56.
Pay off Credit cards.
57.
Teach Madeline to Walk.
58.
Teach Madeline to Talk.
59.
Read some of my stories/ poems to Madeline.
60.
Buy Whitman’s “Song of Myself” poem and other
poetry by Whitman.
61.
Go to a Ward activity.
62.
Have a picnic in the park.
63.
Take Madeline to the Renaissance Fair.
64.
Take Madeline Trick or Treating.
65.
Take Madeline to see Santa Claus.
66.
Get a Mom’s Calendar.
67.
Get a chore chart and display it in the house.
68.
Institute a family night.
69.
Buy letter magnets for fridge.
70.
Give Madeline a bubble bath.
71.
Take Madeline to her first movie in a theater.
72.
Take Madeline to a library activity.
73.
Arrange a play-date for Madeline.
74.
Read the book of Isaiah.
75.
Buy magnetic poetry.
76.
Go to the DIA.
77.
Go to Children’s Science Center.
78.
Find a new restaurant that we like.
79.
Buy/ Make a new Halloween costume.
80.
Ride on a carousel with Madeline.
81.
Do the 10K Mud Run.
82.
Give up Pop drinking.
83.
Make a French dinner.
84.
Make scones.
85.
Teach Madeline her ABCs.
86.
Teach Madeline to count to 20.
87.
Buy a house plant (real or fake).
88.
Go to a carnival.
89.
Read and complete a new book series.
90.
Take Madeline for her first haircut.
91.
Run/ Work out 5 days a week for 3 months
straight.
92.
Own Sims 3 Generations.
93.
Own Sims 3 Pets.
94.
Decorate our new apartment.
95.
Outline and begin writing the E**** C*****
books.
96.
Buy Madeline the Madeline books.
97.
Cook a family meal everyday for 2 months.
98.
Preserve my wedding dress.
99.
Buy some new dresses for church.
100. Go to church every week for 6 months.
101. Go through the temple.
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